I try to keep things uplifting here. It is no secret that I think bullshit calling is a superpower and must be done as often as needed. But equally important is giving yourself grace. We are all doing the best we can… aren't we?
I call bullshit on that one. We aren't.
We are allowing excuses to rob us of our power. To strip away who we really are, our highest and best self, the person we were made to be. Excuses keep us trapped deep in our bullshit, and because of that, we THINK we are giving ourselves grace when really, we are self-sabotage-ing our way into deeper holes.
Full disclosure. Excuses trigger me—hardcore. I have a visceral reaction when someone starts spewing them around me.
Depending on the lengths of their bullshit, they border-line enrage me. I have to take deep, calming breathes, and do some serious inner work reminding myself that is THEIR shit, and I did not come here to pick it up.
This is because I spent years making excuses.
I wasted so much of my life allowing excuses to control me.
These wounds that I caused myself are still raw, I think they always will be, and that is a good thing. Carl Jung said,
keep your shadows in front of you, they can only attack you from behind.
I know deeply what it is like to live in a life full of excuses. I know what is like to wake up in a body you hate, one that you have mistreated for years and to feel hopeless.
I also know that feeling of hopelessness is bullshit. It is an excuse.
Not knowing where to start is an excuse. You do.
I did. We all know what we are doing that is holding us back, yet we keep doing it under the guise of stupidity.
I know the feeling of the goal being a million miles away, as I write this I am taking baby steps to one that may be 2-5 years out. Does that mean you say fuck it and never try?
Do people only reach their goals if they are in arms distance???
Largely yes… which crazy we allow some distance to hold us back from even trying.
I lived that for YEARS.
I can’t. I have no time. I have no money. I will start when…. I will be back when…
That is why I hold my past bullshit tight and in the light, so it can never take me down again.
I am profoundly empathetic. I pick up energy like a three-year-old picks up goldfish. It doesn't matter if that energy is covered in shit and wasn’t mine to begin with. I have no choice but to experience it.
Which means I feel an excuse for what it is, a lie to our highest self.
I know in my gut when that is happening.
I am not bullshiting you when I say it is an superpower. My ability to sniff out excuses is a gift. I am not complaining, it makes me a great coach, but it's exhausting to deal with at times. It doesn't matter the format. In emails, I feel them just the same as we are face to face.
But. My psychic abilities to detect bullshit and my coaching isn't the point here.
Excuses are.
And today, 22 days into the New Year, when folks are starting to already give up OR haven't even started yet because they are waiting for "the perfect time" (THE BIGGEST EXCUSE OF THEM ALL!), and I am over it. I have some things to get off my chest.
Mainly, you deserve better. Stop holding yourself back.
In case you don't know, my husband and I own a gym. All membership cancelations go through me. Which means I can't escape excuses if I tried. Important to note, I believe deeply in you get what you put out. I write this with caution because I know I am telling the universe something, and this could be calling in even more cancelations.
However, I know this is important. I know someone needs to read this and finally take control of their health and their life. Acknowledge that THEY are the ones holding themselves back from everything they want, and they have two choices.
We ALL have two choices.
Work on keeping our bullshit. Or commit to living in our growth.
Here is an exercise for you, a sure-fire way to know the difference between an EXCUSE and a concrete barrier. Because that is the thing with excuses, they are tricky. Sometimes you do not even know you are making them.
We actually believe we have no time, and don’t see the hypocrisy while we spend hours on Facebook or had the chance to binge the latest Netflix serious. Your kid has practice a few nights a week? Perfect excuse, never mind you have that hour with nothingtofuckingdo during the practice.
No money, we believe this too, we can’t imagine “wasting” money to improve ourselves, but we think nothing of grabbing a 12 pack of White Claw every time we hit up Target for some more candles and throw pillows….
This is why you need to ALWAYS be vigilant and use this language anytime you find yourself saying you don't have the time, the money, the knowledge, fill in your bullshit here…
Instead say: _______________________ is not my priority right now.
Whatever it is.
Eating well is not my priority right now.
Getting to the gym is not my priority right now.
Exercising three days a week is not my priority right now.
Ensuring I have 8 hours of restful, restorative sleep is not my priority right now.
Working on my marriage is not my priority right now.
Whatever you are saying you cannot do, reword it. ____________ is not my priority right now.
You know why this is magic??
Because sometimes it really is not your priority right now!
You have a tremendous work deadline, and sleep needs to go on the backburner for a week or two. OK! Stop feeling bad for breaking your nighttime routine.
You just had a baby! Working out is not your priority right now! It shouldn't be. Let yourself be free of that guilt; you have something way more important to focus on.
Eating well. Maybe you just moved, and your kitchen is in total shambles. You took a huge pay cut (hello 2020) and your regular budget got slashed. That is OK!! Redefine your "well." Do what you need to do and stop beating yourself up over something you cannot control.
Let's try to reverse.
You are scrolling Facebook, reading stranger's comments on news stories you disagree with and judging people you went to high school with and have not seen in years. That is what you are allowing to keep you up at night. Is that your priority??
Being a Facebook know it all/ stalker?? Call your bullshit. Get your ass to bed.
You can go to sleep earlier, stop lying to yourself. (I will say it until I am blue in the face, your sleep gets better, your life gets better. Period).
You can't go to the gym because wearing a mask to workout is uncomfortable? Truth, it isn’t, you are allowing yourself a pass. Is that what you want to be?? Someone who can't do hard things.
Someone who lets 3 inches of fabric holds them back from their goals. CALL YOUR BULLSHIT.
Gym a little out of your way? You have to drive an extra 10 minutes... sounds like a good reason not to go...
Call your bullshit.
Do you want to be a person who lets 10 minutes stop you from your goals?!! Demand more of yourself.
Are you scared of failing? What about never trying? That is terrifying. Fitness isn't something you can fail at. As long as you show up you are doing it correctly. Show up for yourself. You deserve it.
What kind of person are you?
Someone who lets 3 inches or a 10 mile drive hold you back? Is a SLIGHT inconvenience all you need to turn your back on your goals??
Hard truth: this applies to so many things, if you think you are too busy to drive somewhere or have no time for yourself to improve yourself, you are almost always lying. The truth, self-improvement is scary. It is thankless work no one will applaud you for. You do it for yourself.
If you are only good to yourself when other people are watching are you really good to yourself?
Money is another big one.
I can't afford it right now… but let me get takeout once a week, coffee every day on my way to work, a few bottles of wine, and a case of white claw because #ineedthem BUT, a gym is out of my budget.
Call your bullshit.
Eating better…. This takes minimal effort like the actual least. Leave the shit you know you shouldn't be eating at the store. That's it. Done. And buy what you want to eat. Again, that is it. Done. (pro-tip: veggies do not go bad if you eat them…)
When it comes to nutrition the biggest excuses we make are making it hard.
Believing we need to count calories or macros to be doing it right. That if we are not eating perfectly Whole30 then why try. That is your bullshit.
Nutrition is simple. Put food you feel good about eating on your plate most of the time. That is it. No magic. No complicated formulas. You making it hard is you giving yourself a reason to quit a week later.
I write this knowing my words may piss you off.
Good.
That means you needed to hear them. If something offended you, look at that. It probably means you are doing it*. You are making an excuse for something that you claim is a priority, but your actions show you it is not.
You are allowing your bullshit to get in the way of your goals. To keep you STUCK in a life that you deserve to be in control of,
ACTIVELY CREATING… not sitting on your ass waiting for the right time to find you.
Because here is the secret. It won't. It will never happen.
You can sit at the airport for YEARS waiting for your ship to come… spend that whole time hoping a boat will somehow appear on the runway. That is the same as waiting for the perfect time or your motivation to find you. These things don't show up at your door looking for you, YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM HAPPEN.
Waiting for a gym to open right across the street from your house that also costs $4 a month because anything else is just too much and inconvenient.
Waiting for your husband to get all his ducks in a row before you start putting a little effort in to your marriage.
Waiting for your boss to come and just hand you the raise.
Waiting for good food to magically show up in your fridge and your desire to drink White Claws and Oreos miraculously fade away…….
I can say all these things because I have experienced them. I was the QUEEN of excuses.
I lived DEEP in bullshit excuses for years. And now, I have the privilege to hold people accountable for theirs, and I consider it a huge honor. Because each excuse I am given makes me a better coach, and each time some quits on themselves, it makes more room for the person next to them, the one who is BIGGER THAN THEIR BULLSHIT, to keep going…. so, give me your excuses. I can handle them.
My question to you is, are you OK living with the result of keeping them??
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?'
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson
Liberate yourself from your excuses. You deserve to shine.
*a few years ago, I would have posted this as is. I don’t live in the delusion that we all have the same 24 hours. Some of us are at home with nothing but time, some are working 2 jobs barely making it work. You know where you fall in that spectrum. I speak to women like me; white women born with privilege we didn’t earn. Women who can walk into Target and spend 100 bucks without it meaning they won’t eat dinner the next week. Women with credit cards and free time they refuse to acknowledge. This isn’t meant to shame anyone into action. That never works. Rather, this is meant to shine a light on our bullshit (see the last post about shadows!)
If you want to treat your body better, start. Be bigger than your bullshit.
If you know you need to be moving more. Start.
These things can and should happen with numbers and pant sizes related to them. They do not happen to shrink you into a diminished version of yourself. They happen because we are walking miracles, creations of god, and it is our responsibility to honor that.
You aren’t here to make excuses. You are here to be amazing. Let yourself be amazing.