Welcome to the Extraordinary Ordinary

I think a lot about fear.

I used to smoke. Marlboro Mental Ultra-Light 100's were my brand of choice. As if the ultra-light somehow negated the nicotine. Not that I cared back then; in some ways, smoking was good for me - not that smoking is good - don't come at me - smoking is trash, will kill you and is completely disgusting. But it was the only time I took to be alone with my thoughts. This was before social media took over our p hones. When I was smoking, it was me, my ultra-light, and the thoughts swirling inside my head. I have never been good with sitting with myself, even worse at sitting with my bullshit – and back then, I had a lot of bullshit to sit with. Sitting on my parent's back porch, trying to suck down the smoke before my daughter realized I was gone and would catch my transgression, I would think about my life. The life I was living and the life I desired. There was a massive gap between those places. Miles and miles of space between where I was and where I wished to be. It is hard at this point of my life to imagine myself feeling helpless, I am so far removed from that version of myself , but back then, that is exactly what I believed myself to be. Beyond repair. Wasted. Washed-up. Peaked. Stuck. A loser with nothing to share with the world beyond my decent looks at mildly amusing jokes. Sucking on the cigarette, asking myself over and over: What if? What if I had stayed in school? What if I didn't drop out? What if I stopped drinking so much? What if I applied for a better job? What if I started to eat a little better? What if I tried harder? What if I got out of my own way? Chewing on those answers, allowing myself to daydream what they would look like. What life would be – could be – if I started doing something, anything , to move me out of the stagnancy I was in. The problem was I had no idea where to start. I think that is the thing with " rock bottom " – we need to go up, but how? What ladder do you choose when everywhere you look, there is anoth er area of your life you are failing in on top of you. It is hard to see the forest through the trees. When you are IN it, taking the first step can feel impossible. I talk a lot of shit now, telling anyone who will listen to just st art. START. Start moving, walking, climbing, crawling- anything that provides movement – just do it. But I know first-hand how paralyzing fear can be. I didn't know then what I know now – that fear is a liar. Fear tricks us into believing that more pain and failure are the only options. It blocks our vision, obscuring everything that could go right from our view. Fear will fuck you up if you do not know how to leverage it to your favor, but that is a lesson I wouldn't learn for another ten years… I know now what my problem was back then. The reason I felt so desperate for change but completely unable to take the first step that would move me into something different – something better. My problem wasn't my bullshit, my laziness, my incredible ability to procrastinate, my complete lack of budgeting skills, my f ondness for drinking one (or seven) too many glasses of wine, my lack of willpower, the complete absence of discipline in my life, or my ability to sabotage absolutely every opportunity I was given to move forward. My problem was my beliefs. I believed that WHERE I was at that point in my life was WHO I was. I believed myself to be the culmination of everything wrong in my life and did not entertain the idea that I could do better. But I was desperate, so I started trying. Trying and failing. Trying and progressing. Trying and taking two steps forward only to feel like I always ended up taking three more back. Trying again because I had to because I was so utterly sick of my shit and desperate to improve. Trying because, at some point along the way, I started to figure out that if I was failing at trying, at least I was trying , and that was so much better than failing by doing absolutely nothing. It was years before my beliefs caught up with my ability. Years before my confidence grew, and I started to lean into the idea that if I thought myself capable, then I was able . My goal with my writing, platform, and career is to show anyone listening that better is always available. You are capable of absolutely anything you believe yourself capable of being, doing, or becoming. It is also to make sure my bullshit is not your bullshit, and if it is, to help you learn from my mistakes so you don't spend years of your life stubbing your proverbial toe on the same proverbial rock before you decide to find another way forward. So, to sum up: change your beliefs, and you will change your life. It is that simple. I am not claiming it to be easy; easy and simple are not synonymous . But it is pretty damn simple. Start with questioning your thoughts when they are not working in your favor. Ask yourself, is this true? Am I sure this is true? And if it is – what can I do right now to ensure it does not STAY my truth. Look for ways to IMPROVE your negative beliefs – not to confirm them. Stay committed to your growth, not your bullshit. Again, not easy (believe me – I know) but simple and so much easier than staying stuck in a life below your unique infinite potential. I will leav e you with this- something I ask myself whenever the distance between my goals and my reality feels too large: What will hurt worse: the discomfort of trying or the pain that will come from staying exactly the same. The answers that follows that question always causes some sort of action.  So much love – HM

For the last 11 years, I have held space for excuses (and lived with my bullshit for decades before). One of the most powerful things the gym taught me is the need to show up consistently. Being at the gym showed me that showing up, even when you do not want to, when it is not convenient, fun, exciting, or comfortable, NEEDS to happen if any progress is going to be made. At some point, anyone who does anything consistently figures out the secret is just showing up. It is just something you have to do, even when you do not want to because you know that when you are done, you will be better because of it. Show up. That is the message today – but despite the last 150ish words, I am not talking about showing up at the gym. I want to talk about showing up in your life. As usual - I am writing this one for me. A few months ago, I said I would post a weekly blog post. I made it three weeks. And then I stopped showing up. I had my reasons, and I suppose some were valid - but all those reasons boiled down to one cumulative truth and one shitty excuse: I was busy, and underneath that, I was scared. We will start with the excuse: busyness. I know I said we are not going to talk about the gym, but we are going back there; it is my world and making a point around it will always feel aligned. If I had a dollar for every time someone canceled a membership because they were busy, I would be announcing the opening of our third location in Bora Bora. If I had another dollar for every time someone told me they would start once they were not "so busy," I would be typing this from my private plane on the way to the gym built by busyness. Here is the thing: almost all the time, busy is bullshit. Busy is a lie we tell ourselves to make us feel better about how we are spending our time and placing our energy. We can justify a lot of weird shit when we convince ourselves of our busyness. Busy is a badge of honor we wear proudly and loudly, announcing everything we have to do and always being sure to one-up the person we are speaking with. That is the weird thing with “busy” – we are all so occupied yet somehow busier than the person we are speaking with… I am getting off-topic – clearly, "busy" is something I abhor because I feel into its trap for years. I believed in my busyness, and fought hard to keep it. We can justify absolutely anything if we try hard enough. Eventually, I became sick of that excuse. I hated feeling "busy" every day and carrying the weight that came along with it. More than that, I knew I needed to start doing things I was not doing because I believed so deeply in my lack of time, in my busyness... Almost all the time, busy is a convenient excuse . Too busy for the gym. Too busy for meal prep. Too busy to fold the laundry. Too busy to meditate. Too busy to take a walk. Too busy to allow myself fun, true pleasure and lean into things that nourish my creative, feminine divine. Too busy to make time for myself (aside from Netflix and scrolling, of course…) Too busy to do the things that will feed my soul, and more value to my life, deepen my connection with myself and improve my mental and physical health. Why is it that all of the above things are the first things to go when we believe in our busyness? When in reality those are the things we need the most during times of stress and added responsibilities? Too busy to do the things you know you want to be doing – bigger than that – realize you NEED to be doing… but as long as you can keep the excuse of busy, you do not have to acknowledge the other reason you are not moving forward: fear . It is funny. Typing this, I am already scared to post this later today. Remember when I said I was talking to myself? I mean it, I am always talking to myself. Re-reading what I just wrote, I see the harshness in it; my fear is someone will take those words at face value and think I am such a judge-y bitch. I assure you; I am not; I am a bitch with so much bullshit who is saying what SHE needs to hear at any moment. You need to know if you are going to read anything here or listen to my podcast, anything I am saying to you, I am also speaking to me. I am never judging. I am holding space. My gift is seeing potential in everyone I have the honor of working with. Some people see auras, some see spirit guides, and some see our past and future. I don't see any of that – I see what will be if you allowed yourself to step into your highest self and live in your highest timeline. Women walk away from meeting with me feeling inspired not because of some magic secret I share, but because I can show them that what they want is already there. That everything they are hoping to be – they already are – they only have to step into that version of themselves. I fucking love it, but it can be frustrating when whoever I am working with is staying committed to seeing their past self and fighting for their bullshit – but even there, I get it – because I did that for years too. It can be incredibly hard to believe in your ability to succeed when you feel like all you have done in the past is spin your wheels. The magic is realizing what happened in the past is not who you are. It is only what you did. You have the ability to do differently, to do better, and as soon as you start - you are. That is a scary shift to walk into, but I promise, you will surprise and amaze yourself every time you consciously decide to upgrade. (Tangent #2 and we are just at 1000 words…. Another thing you should know if you are going to be here – we will go off subject every time but stick with me. I promise I will always bring it back…) Fear. I am scared to publish this because I don't want anyone – ever – to think I am judging them. I am not. My house is made of glass, I will never throw stones because I refuse to carry the weight of their karma. I am cheerleading for you loudly. Begging you to understand that whatever you want to do: you have the time for and, more than that, you are capable of doing. But chances are, like me, you are letting fear fuck you up. I stopped writing here because I was busy ( bullshit ), a little lazy (because hard work can suck, and we all want to be comfortable ), but mostly because I was ( I am ) scared. Scared of being judged, misunderstood, made fun off… mostly of being seen. But I need to get over that. I have a book coming out in a week – my words will live in a form that I cannot unpublish, take back, remove or change. Fear be damned – I have to do this. (Tangent #3 🙃) Why are you not showing up? There may be a lot of reasons, but the largest is fear. It is always fear. Fear of failing. Fear of not knowing what to do. Fear of looking silly. Fear of being judged. Fear of _____________ (insert your bullshit here). The reason we never start or start and stop the minute life gets a little bit hard (a little busy) is that it allows us to move away from our fear and back into the comfort of our bullshit. Whatever you want is on the other side of your fear. This is true for everything. If you want a new job, new partner, no partner, new routine, a new habit, new side-Hussle, new Podcast/Blog/Instagram handle… if you want to go to the gym, start cleaning up your diet and STOP drinking and self-medicating your way through life…. Literally all changes, upgrades, shifts, goals, and elevations live on the other side of your fear. This is why you have to show up when you do not want to because if you are going to make any meaningful change in your life, you have to be willing to show up consistently. I will commit to it with you – showing up. I have a few goals (that I will not share publicly at this time – you have to protect your energy. I know speaking of your dreams is recommended by many gurus for accountability – but I disagree fully. Speaking of things before they are done allows you to feel accomplishment over something you have yet to do, making you less likely to finish. It will enable other people's energy to come into your dreams. Don't allow that because not everyone wants to see you win. The people closest to you can put negative energy into your dreams simply because your upgrading will shine a light on their stagnation if they are not in the same energetic place. Keep your goals safe and only tell the people you know will send more light and good energy to them). (Tangent #4 - I wasn't kidding...) Keep your goals safe and keep them actionable by committing to showing up. Show up when you do not want to because if you do that long enough, it will simply become what you want to do. That is what I am calling in here: I will show up. I will show up weekly because it is on my heart. I know if a goal is there, it is there for a reason, and it is my responsivity to myself and God, who I believe placed it there for me to see through. There is a reason for it, I do not need to know what it is, but I need to honor it until I do. The same is true for you. If you are still reading – you have something on your heart too. Honor it. No matter how silly, small, or unimportant you think it is. If it is there, it is there for a reason. God placed it there for you. Maybe the push to go to the gym is because your vessel (body) needs attention and love. Once your physical being is feeling better and healthier, you will be able to step into your magic. Maybe the push you feel to clean up your diet is your higher-self asking you to listen to your body which will allow you to deepen your relationship with your intuition and inner knowing. Maybe the push to start the blog, podcast, business, side hustle is there because you have a way of doing or saying something that is unique to you - and the world needs to hear how you say it. It is there – there is a purpose. Honor that calling – and show up. I am in it with you; we can hold each other accountable and elevate together. There is no magic secret to success, achieving goals or upgrading your life. It is just showing up consistently - and you are capable of that and more. XOXO - HM

Don’t wait to start believing that motivation will one day show up. Start , and watch your motivation grow. If after a set amount of time you still aren’t feeling it, quit . You have full permission to stop at any time. This hack works for everything. The closest you have been meaning to clean but never feel motivated to do so: turn on your favorite song and start cleaning. When the song is over you want to quit, go for it. Your workout: show up for ten minutes. Your meditation: one minute. I’ll fill you in on a secret; almost all the time you will keep going. Once you get started the motivation will follow. And if you want to quit, quit . It’s still more than you would have accomplished if you didn’t start. I’m not big on trying to motivate. I’ve been in a gym long enough to know you have to do it for you . You can have the best coach in the world, the perfect workout program, everything you need to succeed and none of it will matter if you can’t get yourself to START and keep showing up. If you are at New York Sport & Fitness you know my belief: It doesn't matter how many calories you burn in an hour. Your six-week program results are fun, but not that impressive. The real flex is consistency. It doesn't matter what you can do in three weeks. Show me what you can stick with for a years . Finding motivation to call your bullshit is powerful. Doing so with permission to quit forces you to check in. Together they form the perfect combination of discipline and grace. Asking how you feel, scanning your body seeing what you have left in your tank. If you need rest, your body will push you into resting. You will know it is time to stop and try again tomorrow. If you are “not motivated”, your mind will call your bullshit and keep you working. Use this with your to-do list, the project you have been putting off, the closet you have been meaning to clean for the last six months... anything and everything. Demand yourself to start AND give yourself full permission to quit after a set amount of time. Almost all the time you will keep going. And when you don't thats fine too. You started. 100% of the time that is the hard part, with that out of the way it will make coming back again easier.

Our beliefs shape our reality.

The conversation started out innocent. The comment was not malicious. It is something we say . An observation we acknowledge out-loud despite knowing we shouldn’t. We know this observation is better left unsaid because, like stating the opposite, it holds a subtext that invites questions. Had I lost weight? I don’t know. Aside from one time, I haven’t been on the scale in over four years. Four blissful years being happily unaware of what my relationship with gravity was. Before that, my life was driven by that number. At some points I watched my weight climb feeling disgust and shame. Others, I watched it lower, filled with pride despite that absolutely horrible means I was using the drive that change. That number held more weight than it should. I knew that intuitively, yet I let it hold me captive. Steer me . Manage me. Dictate my choices. My self talk. My life. I got myself out of the spiral the knowledge of that number kept me in, and because of that I was able to see the truth: I had lost weight. I had lost the weight of my weight. But there I was, four years later back in the tornado of thoughts those numbers can cause. Had I lost weight? Did I need to lose weight? Did I gain weight and then lose it without knowing? What did I look like before this? Did I look ok? What is my body saying about me? Those three words brought me to questions I hadn’t asked myself in years. I have been working on my bullshit for a decade. Ten years of listening to my self-talk, monitoring my self-sabotaging nature, observing the messes I could create when I allowed myself to be unattended with my vices is finally starting to pay off: I know when I am going somewhere I do not want to go . I can pull myself back before I get lost there again. Because of that I realized the truth in those words – the blessing of them. I have lost weight. I have lost so much weight. I lost the weight of wondering. Wondering what everyone thinks of me. Do they think I am smart enough? Am I doing enough to prove my worth? Do they think I know what I am talking about? Are they talking about me when I leave? Did I fuck up? Say something stupid? Say too much? Do they like me? Do they think I am I too much? Now I wonder if I like myself. I stop there. Do I like me? Am I doing enough to make myself proud? Am I saying what I need to say to stay in my integrity? Am I being authentic? Honest? Kind? How many years did I waste judging myself in comparison to the accomplishments of others? Too many. She did this – said this – IS this. Constantly looking outside of myself to gauge my progress in my life. I’ve lost the weight of comparison and jealousy . I figured out that the time I spent thinking about them, contrasting their accomplishments to mine, was time I could have been using to create my own dream. I’ve lost the weight of judgment. Now I know every time I judged something or someone, I was really judging myself . I didn’t see their shortcomings – I saw mine. It was not their flaws I was pointing out. I was shining a spotlight on my bullshit. My baggage. My mess. Everything I detested in someone else was something I despised about myself. I lost the weight of diet culture . Thinking I couldn’t eat something because it was a weekend food – not to be enjoyed during the week. That would have meant I had failed, I wasn’t “good,” I didn’t have enough willpower…. I lost the fear of certain foods. I lost the desire to hold myself to impossible standards in the hopes that those standards would earn me a six-pack stomach, and then… maybe then if I tortured and deprived myself enough, I would see something in the mirror I could be proud of. When my main goal was weight loss, I lost myself every time. I will never try to shrink myself again – now, my only goal is to be good to me . To treat my body with nothing but respect and kindness because she has put up with enough of my bullshit over the years. I lost the weight of SHOULDS. What I should be doing. Having. Saying yes to. Saying no to. What I should be wearing. Saying. Being . It is wild how freeing it is when you stop looking to society to teach you how to live and start looking into yourself for those answers. Honoring what truly makes you happy, proud, and free. I lost the weight of my past . Who I was 10 years ago, 20 years ago. Who I was 1 year ago . They are all gone. Those girls are not here anymore. They made way for me – and while some of them were a bit of a mess ( ok, a lot of mess ) and some did things this version of my tries hard not to do – I am so proud of them . They all did their best. And even when they didn’t, they allowed me a chance to learn from their mistakes and bullshit. You can not know who you want to be without having a clear idea of who you aren’t.  I will never again be the hungry, sad, mad, chronically salty version of m yself again. I lost her too. So yes, I have lost weight. More weight than I could have dreamed of losing years ago

You don't need another diet, program or cleanse. You do not need to clean up your nutrition or to go harder at the gym. You need more grace.

Ok, the title is clickbait. Motivation will never be anyone’s bitch because she is too slippery for anyone to hold onto too long enough to claim her. But that does not mean we cannot use her fleeting magic in our favor. Before we get to making motivation work for you, we need to first fully understand what motivation is not . Motivation is not dependable. Motivation is not reliable. Motivation is not consistent. But. Motivation can be predictable IF we cajole it. Motivation is tricky. People think that you need to wait around for it to arrive before you embark upon a new goal. I call bullshit on that. Waiting for motivation to get started is like waiting for someone to hand you your dream life. It is not going to happen. If you want something – you must get off your ass and work for it. Desired outcomes are followed by action – not waiting. We know this logically. Have you ever heard anyone you admire tell you that one-day motivation came and their entire life changed? Fuck no. It doesn’t happen like that. Motivation does not walk in your door, unannounced and uninvited, dragging you off the couch and into motion. Motivation needs to be invited - wined and dined - you must work to find it, let alone keep it. Successful people do not wait for motivation, they know better. At some point in their lives they became so sick of their situation that they decide they cannot stand one more minute stuck in the pain caused by their bullshit, and they embraced the pain that will come with making their desired ( often needed ) changes. No one credits motivation for changing their life. They credit action . Effort. Labor. Consistency. Determination. Resilience. Motivation = a fairy tale Action = result Don’t get it twisted though, I am not saying motivation is useless. It’s not. Fairy tales are good for two things: impetus and inspiration. Think back to the last time you felt motivated. What were you doing? Chances are, it was something completely unrelated to the motivation you felt. I used to be overwhelmed with motivation to try to lose weight while I drank wine and ate snacks watching late-night reality TV on Bravo. Sometimes that familiar pang of inspiration still happens when I am scrolling through Instagram and see someone’s chiseled six-pack and think ya that would be nice to have. But I keep on eating my Cheez-Its… Do you know how many times I have been pulled to the side of a party, asked questions about the gym, and been told I would see them on Monday? 2393. Do you know how many times I actually did see them on Monday? Once. I know what it is like to be completely motivated to start and do absolutely nothing with it. It sucks. Change will be challenging 100% of the time.  The problem is we are acutely aware of all the discomfort that will come from stepping into the changes that need to happen to bring us to our desired outcome, and we forget to consider the pain that will come from staying the same. We know it will suck giving up our White Claws, white wine, red wine, and late-night bedtimes. We know not hitting snooze and putting our feet on the ground when the alarm goes off will take Herculean resolve. We know saying no to ourselves, and our desire to numb our hardships with alcohol and food will require us to sit with emotions and feelings we haven’t felt since middle school. We know working out will mean getting sweaty on purpose, feeling sore, making weird sounds and faces, doing things we have never done in the presence of strangers… I could keep going. I don’t need to though. Change will be hard 100% of the time. But what about not changing? What does that look like? We can keep the White Claws, white wine, red wine, late-night scrolling, tv watching, numbing… none of it adding real value to our lives. We can keep hitting snooze. Rushing through our mornings. Starting the day off feeling stressed and overwhelmed before 8 o’clock. A fantastic way to start the day. We can keep numbing. Ignoring and pushing back every uncomfortable emotion we feel. Returning to old vices over and over again because fuck it – you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. We can keep feeling uncomfortable in our bodies, ignoring them as best we can while simultaneously thinking about them almost all the time. Pretend that we don’t have the time to do what we are made to do: to move. When motivation comes, which isn’t motivation at all – it is inspiration – but allow our ego talk us out of it before we get started. We listen to the voice in our head that justifies our bullshit. No time, no money, no idea where to start… And we agree. We agree because we consider the pain of change and forget the pain of staying stuck. The next time motivation (inspiration) strikes – act on it immediately if you want it to work for you. Do something – anything – to move the needle in the direction of your desired outcome. Text a friend who goes to the gym and make them promise to pick you up and take them with you tomorrow. (I have honked the horn in driveways at 445 am in the past – I will gladly do it again) Hide the rest of your wine. Move it to the garage. Get it out of your space. Make a sample meal plan for the week. Start small, figure out when you will eat for breakfast, and take action right then to make sure it happens. Do a little bit of prep or push the eggs to the front of the fridge. Go. To. Bed . (sleep doesn't solve all our problems, but I am convinced it takes care of at least 90% of them) Move your charger and phone across the room so when your alarm goes off tomorrow morning, you have no choice but to stand up to turn it off. Do something. Anything. Build self-efficacy and self-trust by showing up for yourself. Let yourself know that YOU are someone you can depend on. Inspiration --> Action --> Self-Trust --> Motivation When you say you are going to do something, DO IT. Act before your ego, and your lower self has the option to talk you out of it. That is how you become genuinely motivated. You get ahead of your bullshit by acting, even in the smallest way, when inspiration happens. When your ego starts popping off, telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t make that change, do that thing – tell it to fuck off. Take a deep breath and consider what would happen if you didn’t make a change. If you continued exactly as you are, doing the same things, making the same choices… Would that make you proud? Would it bring you to a place you feel good about? Would it help you live a life that you feel actively involved in? If the answer is no, go to the mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and remind yourself that you can do whatever you want. You simply have to decide to do it. The magic of motivation happens when you get past your bullshit. When you start showing up for yourself, making choices that feel hard in the moment, but you know your future self will thank you for. One foot in front of the other, taking tiny steps forward, and before you know it, you will be running. The choices that a few weeks ago felt incredibley hard will start happening effortlessly. Habits you feel good about will start falling into place. Changes ALWAYS mean changes, and those changes will start to pay off. Make motivation your bitch by not needing it. Act. Let yourself know you have your best interest in mind. Let yourself know that you will do whatever it takes to make yourself proud. Because motivation is funny like that – when you no longer need it, that is when it will show up at your door ready to dance.

The thing keeping most people stuck is the thing people refuse to acknowledge. Feeling stressed? I will up my CBD. Maybe I need anxiety meds. Maybe I need more anxiety meds. But I will not stop drinking. I don't want to examine the role alcohol plays in my suffering. I can't acknowledge the thing I turn to that allows me to momentarily numb out is part of my problem. I am not willing to work on my boundaries or face challenging situations. It is easier to medicate than it is to face… Feeling off in our bodies? Blame hormones. Stress. (see above). Forget lack of sleep, movement, dietary choices not in alignment with how you wish to treat yourself…. Forget drinking here too. I will do anything to feel good in my body. But not that… Lack of time? Too busy? No need to examine habits that regularly waste minutes, sometimes hours. Occam's Razor is a principle born in philosophy that the simplest explanation is almost always the right one. When it comes to our health and wellness, we forget this. We blame the complex. We forget the likely cause of the problem is our bullshit. We forget that almost all the time – we are the ones keeping ourselves stuck. We are the ones fucking up our lives. We search for solutions in the complicated and convoluted. Believing the answer is always outside of us. In some secret we have yet to figure out, so we keep buying supposed solutions instead of examining the root . Planting new seeds and completely ignoring the weeds taking over the garden. Forgetting the fix is often right in front of our faces in the form of what we are refusing to acknowledge. Refusing to stop doing. We remain comfortable in our bullshit, forgetting the trade off is the discomfort it creates for our future selves. For years I tried to ADD to my life. Different diets, different protocols, exercises, programs, self-help books, more self-helps books. Always adding. Never taking away. Never acknowledging what I needed to focus on: removing the behaviors and habits I had accumulated that at a time served a purpose - they allowed me to numb. But I didn't need them anymore, all they were doing now was keeping me stuck. We can't become what we aim to be by keeping our bullshit. We can't fulfill our potential by keeping our bullshit. We can't step into our greatness when we refuse to step away from our bullshit. Forget the idea that becoming means adding. Almost all the time, the first step is removing.