Eat the cookie. The end.
Three words are all you need, give yourself permission to eat the cookie.
If you think that I will tell you sugar is the devil, and you should never have dessert because #motivation and #disapline, then you have me twisted.
Here is a life-changing piece of knowledge for you, one that will set you free;
you can always have whatever you want.
I was a dessert-a-phobe for years. I had a phobia of eating anything that consisted of flour, sugar, and butter. I was convinced that shit would kill me…
OK, maybe not kill me but definitely take up camp on my love handles, and I had worked HARD to make sure those things were gone.
So ya, no dessert for me.
(until I ate all the dessert once a week, or at least once every other week because I had been so “good” and not had anything. That clearly means I earned one treat, and then one treat turned into allthefuckingtreatsicouldfind)
But it was fine.
No dessert for me.
#goals
When I told people to count calories and watch their macros, my advice years ago was simply to work it into your day.
Have whatever you want to just make it work.
(also side note, this is why you should be really REALLY cautious of advice from skinny women, even more so if that skinny women lost weight. She probably thinks what she did is special and she has some secret.
She doesn’t. And she is probably fighting a huge battle with her body, and giving you the same AWFUL advice she is using…)
My advice now, years later, when I realize what trash advice telling anyone to count calories or macros can be, is still the same, though.
Have whatever you want. Work it into your day.
This is a big conversation. One way too wordy and complex to fit in a blog post that takes under seven minutes to read (podcast coming soon though, so I got you! Insert cartwheel emojis there we can really dig into all the things).
But it is also a straightforward one. Eat what you need. Eat your vegetables, eat a decent amount of protein, make sure you get enough fiber... and then have whatever else you want.
Ask yourself, what are you so scared of? What do you think eating dessert will do to you?
Is having something “sweet” after a meal really the worst thing you can do? When did treating yourself with a brownie become a character flaw?
If you are fearful you are going to continue eating all the cookies after then you have been depriving yourself, and probably do find yourself eating all the cookies once a week.... so how is that working for you??
Life truth: you will never cure yourself of a sweet tooth. Learn to listen and honor your body. You can have your cake and eat it too.
If you read the blog on excuses, you know I can be blunt. If you did not, here is your warning: I am blunt.
What the fuck is wrong with eating a cookie??
That is some REAL diet bullshit thinking going on.
Real. Diet. Bull. Shit.
I can say that because I lived it for over half my life.
As a society, we are fatphobic. We treat fatness like the world’s worst disease. Act like gaining 5 pounds means our lives would end in a sudden tragic event where none of our jeans fit and we have to hide away forever.
Well, I did gain a few pounds.
And with it, I gained life. Freedom. And full acceptance of my body. I stopped fight internal wars with myself, holding myself to some ideal or thinking I was only worthy of things if I weighed under X pounds.
So much fucking life. Letting go of bullshit rules like “I can only have dessert on the weekends” gave me more happiness than I could have imagined back then.
And I lost so much pain. And the worthless weight of all the energy I was carrying, continually worrying about what would happen if I ate the dessert, thinking about food, and generally obsessing over the way my body looked. Judging myself by what I ate.
For some of you reading this, get over the idea that gaining a few pounds is the worst thing that could happen. Some of you need to gain weight. I needed to. I am not going to put my past weight here, I know it can be triggering to some, and to others, they will use it as a goal post, but know for all of you, 2-5 pounds on your body is going to do nothing.
2-5 pounds for your MIND will give you back your life.
However, most of you wont gain a pound. You will probably find yourself losing a few pounds when you finally realize how to listen to your body not drown out its needs until it screams at you, which will leave you eating way to many slices of pizza in no time.
An article that is around 8 years old, I believe it is called “The Cost of Getting Lean,” by Precision Nutrition. Feel free to
Google it. It is a great read. In short, it breaks down what happens when folks get too aggressive with their diets, mainly figure competitors who obsessively macro/calorie count. The main takeaway is why are you willing to give up 40-80% of your life to lose an additional 5 pounds?? Is it really worth it??
Really, ask yourself that.
How much of your life do you spend thinking about food? About what you can and can’t have? How many meals do you eat already thinking about what you are going to eat next? And not in fun “I cant wait to have tacos later!” way, in a “how many calories was this, how many carbs do I have left?” way.
That is no way to live.
We have demonized food, telling ourselves that some things are terrible and not to be touched, and others are the holy grail of health and wellness.
And look, this is a BIG conversation, is some foods healthier than others?? YES! Duh.
Is some food more calorically dense and nutritional low? YEP.
But does that mean that something is wrong with us, or we are bad if we eat them?? No.
Nutrition advice:
don’t eat like an asshole.
That is it. It is that simple.
And when I say don’t eat like an asshole, I don’t only mean do not let your full diet consist of chips, pizza, chicken fingers, an occasional Caesar salad, and diet cokes. Yes, that is eating like an asshole.
But so is eating a diet so squeaky clean you have no joy with your food whatsoever. All meals are based on keeping your ass tight or helping you lose the last 20 pounds.
That is eating like an asshole, too, and that shit NEVER lasts.
You will end up eating stale cookies in the kitchen alone by Friday night, wondering what the fuck happened.
So eat the cookie on a Tuesday and keep it moving.
Really. It is that simple.
But Heather, I need to lose weight!? I cant have sugar!! Go all Byron Katie on your ass and ask, is that true. You know that is the case? You don’t. You may have heard it from some skinny chic on Instagram but that sure as hell doesn’t make it true.
Another life truth:
you will NEVER keep the weight off if you lost it hating your body there.
You will never keep the weight off if you lost it by depriving and starving yourself there. You will ONLY keep the weight off if you do so by doing things you can and want to continue for the rest of your life.
Eat like you like yourself.
This goes for everyone. Eat your veggies, get enough protein, you need fat to live so eat some, you need carbs to live, so eat some. Eat like you give a shit about your future.
Feed yourself like you feed the people you love. I will never say it is easy, it is hard work at first, but it is pretty damn simple.
I eat dessert almost every night now. And not a “healthy” dessert-like frozen cherries and bananas. Real dessert, like microwave myself up two smores or have a big old handful of sour patch kids.
And guess what?
Nothing happened since I started doing that. My weight stayed stable (I do not weigh myself, but my jeans still fit).
You will not believe what I am about to tell you, but I promise you, it is true.
If you eat dessert, even every night, your jeans can still fit too.
I will tell you how and why.
You will stop binging.
Read that again.
Allowing yourself to eat what you have deemed off-limits will curb the urge to binge. It will enable you to listen to your body!
Cravings are the direct bi-product of an unmeant need. That need can be psychological or biological.
A lot of time, it is biology.
You are not eating enough during the day or eating enough of certain things (mainly carbs).
Read that again. It is important.
If you always find yourself craving sweets at night, that is your body asking you for something. What did you give it that day? Was it enough?
I have worked with over 500 women at this point. Do you know how many will not touch a piece of fruit during the day because, gasp, so much sugar! But will eat a sleeve of Oreos that night and wonder wtf happened? 499 of them.
You have two choices if you are one of the 499. Eat carbs during the day! It is OK!! Fruit is not bad, potatoes will not make you gain weight. Have rice with your lunch. Allow some bread, whatever you need to keep yourself feeling good and satisfied.
Don’t eat like an asshole. Make balanced plates for each meal. Make sure you get enough veggies and protein.
That is important because you love yourself and want to feel your best, but don’t stop there. You need fat, and you need carbs. You do not have to EARN either. Ever.
Truth: if you are always craving carbs at night, you are not eating enough carbs during the day. That is YOUR fault. If you want to stop craving carbs at night, EAT THEM DURING THE DAY!!
Listen to your body!
Cravings for sweets is a distress signal, it is telling you something! It is saying – hey, stop treating me like shit. I would like a banana with lunch once and a while.
But, heather, you just said you eat dessert almost every night. If I eat carbs during the day AND dessert, I will be fucked.
No, Susan, you won’t. You will be fine. I don’t like to think of food in terms of its caloric or macro content, but tracking and measuring my food for at least 10 years of my life means I can look at any meal and give you a pretty accurate idea of the calories on that plate.
Because of that, I know having an apple with my breakfast (100 calories tops), some white potatoes with lunch (150), couscous with my dinner (200), and 2 graham crackers at night (my current favorite and around 120 calories) is only 700ish calories.
Most of us need to eat
at least
1900 to support our metabolic needs, and even that is low. Most meatheads will tell you to follow a 30/30/40 macro split, and that split is generally accepted by all as an excellent way to cover all your bases. Eating a serving of carbs at every meal and having a “treat” with dessert still puts you under 40%.
So ask yourself, really, what are you scared of?
Call your bullshit, it is really dessert you fear, or are you deflecting because you know you are not eating enough vegetables and protein? Don’t make dessert the bad guy. It isn’t. It only becomes it when we have not covered our bases. Like your mom always said, no dessert unless you finish your dinner. The same is true for us.
Are you getting in 5 servings of veggies a day? Are you eating at least a palm-size serving of animal protein with every meal?
If yes, then eat the dessert! It is fine!!
Another truth: we tend to shift our focus from what we should be worried about, in this case getting in ample amounts of veggies and enough protein, to the low hanging easy fruit, the band-aid solutions…. I will not eat dessert, and that will be fine…
But it isn’t fine. It isn’t addressing your fear of food, your fear of losing control, and your fear of your body not looking a certain way OR thinking your body does not deserve love until it looks a certain way. (more on all of that soon).
Focus on the big rocks, which you should eat to always keep yourself feeling your best.
Focus on filling your plate with foods you feel good about eating 90% of the time. And guess what, you do that you can do whatever you want with the other 10%!! It is fine!!
Honestly, I dare you to start your day with a double serving of roasted broccoli, an apple, and 3 eggs.
Then for lunch, have a HUGE spring mix salad with more veggies on top, some nuts, and oil for fat, a turkey burger or two, and some roasted potatoes, then at dinner, have a piece of fish, more roasted broccoli, and some rice. Eat all that, then see what you need for your “sweet tooth.” It will not be a whole container of cookies or a family size bag of M and Ms. It will be a normal portion of something you really want.
And life will be fine.
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Stop making food the bad guy. Eat like you’re like yourself. Give yourself what you need and also what you want.
Trust me, it is so much better on the other side.
A note for all of you who are scared as hell of cookies and candy but will throwback white claws and glasses of wine a few nights a week.
Wtf.
You are OK drinking poison at 7 calories per gram but scared to eat a cookie?? Call your bullshit. Calorie for calorie you are better off going with the sugar (4 calories per gram). The bonus you are not going to risk a hangover, and your sleep will not suffer, because yes, even one drink will fuck with your rest. And lack of quality sleep means you will crave more carbs. So really, you have yourself to thank for keeping you stuck in that cycle.
IF you want to drink, that is fine, but understand that it is coming at a cost. For our bodies to metabolize alcohol, they stop using all other fuel in our bodies.
Meaning everything you ate sits there, turning to fat, while your body works like hell to clear the alcohol from your system.
If you are OK drinking a few nights week but not OK having a cookie a few nights a week, there is a disconnect to be looked at there. Again, it is misplacement. It is deflecting energy to something that isn’t a problem and making it an issue.
Having a cookie every night is OK.
Needing a drink to make it through the week….. not so much. Obviously, I have thoughts, and if you are interested, I can throw a lot of research into the harmful effects drinking can have, but for now, ask yourself, why are you scared of carbs but not alcohol?
And again. Eat the cookie.