What if working your ass off to lose weight is the reason you can’t lose weight.
What if your focus on losing the last ten pounds is the reason you are miserable.
What if all your behaviors to get you to your goal weight is what is keeping you stuck, or worse, got you there but then you gained it all back and now your losing it again. (and again, and again and again).
I think your focus on weight loss and changing your body is the reason you’re not moving forward.
I will say this until I am blue in the face: You will never become more by trying to become less.
There is a lot of nuance here, weight loss is such a tricky and highly personal matter. For this context I am going to assume that we are seeking weight loss for one of two reasons, to look better and/or to feel better. I think it is Important to note before we dive in here, you can not judge a person’s health by the size of their body. I know, and have been, a very skinny, lean healthy looking person(s) who had some horrible, gross, unhealthy habits. I also know many people who wouldn’t be hired for an Instagram gym exercise video that are healthy, strong, and generally killing it. Health can not be seen. Measuring health on a scale is asinine.
Back to the matter at hand. Woo and weight loss.
Where are you vibrating? Are you waking up each day and hoping on the scale to see how good or bad you are doing? Are you using that information to help plan your meals and exercise? If so, you’re vibrating low. Even on the good days your worth is tied up in a number, a number that will change, and when it does change (as soon as you eat something or take a shit) you are going to feel better or worse. Does that make sense? If that number goes down because you have been restricting yourself is that good? If it goes up because you gained muscle, or -god forbid- had ice cream, does that make you bad?
Attaching anything to that number is pointless. Good or bad. Because it is always going to change. It is like saying you are only happy when it is 73 degrees out.
Your fucked. Stop attaching yourself to a number, or be OK with only being happy -3% of the time…
I am trying to lose weight. I will be happy when I lose weight. I am someone who will be happy when I am in my pre-baby jeans. I need to lose 20 pounds. I need to lose 100 pounds. I need to lose 3 pounds. I am someone who will be happy when I don’t have love handles, cellulite or arms that move. What does all that translate too? I am not good enough right now.
On the other side, maybe you hit that goal; what are you doing to keep it? Is it behaviors you are proud of? Would you tell your daughter to do the same things? Do you post them happily on Facebook for the world to see? Or are you embarrassed by some of the means you chose? Seriously… ask yourself here. Is what you are doing to hold onto that number or look something you are proud of?
Would you tell your loved ones to do the same? If the answer is no, it is time to address that.
What are our behaviors like when we think we are not good enough or when our worth is tied up in the mirror? Do we take care of ourselves? Trick question, the answer is no.
Things that lead to weight loss, all of which I have done so I get it: Cardio, not eating, only eating 1200 calories, juice cleanses, not eating carbs, focusing on calorie content over quality of food, excess cardio, cardio to earn and to burn food, taking water pills, not having something I really wanted because it was *bad* (which always turns into eating something else and that’s a whole other post…) tracking everything that went in my mouth, eating products like bars/shakes/ weird ass bread over real food because it was lower in calories, taking laxatives, purging…
All these things lead to weight loss. Are they good? Are they healthy? Are they something I wanted to continue to maintain? Are they something YOU want to maintain?
What you think about you become.
Thinking about weight loss is really thinking you are not good enough or worthy right now. You cannot become more by trying to become less.
You are telling the universe, or if you don’t believe in that, in the least you are telling YOURSELF over and over I am not good enough. I am not worthy right now and will only be worthy when... When what? I am sure you have heard you can not hate yourself healthy, and that is so true, but you can hate yourself skinny…
But you won’t stay there. Your identity is completely wrapped up in the story that you are not enough. That doesn’t change when you hit X pounds. You worked SO HARD telling yourself you are not worthy- without even knowing it. You think you will suddenly accept yourself? HELL NO! Your subconscious has no idea how to love yourself, all it knows is what you told it, you are not enough. What do you attract to yourself when that is your energy? Nothing great. And where is your body and head comfortable? In the story you have been telling it- I am a person trying to lose weight. Yo Yo dieting isn't because of lack of willpower, it is natural reaction to the information we have been feeding ourselves.
The good thing is you can do the opposite, right now.
You can change your narrative. Start with how you talk to yourself.
I am a healthy person with healthy habits.
I am healthy. I am strong. I take amazing care of myself. I honor myself. I respect, trust and am grateful for my body. I am worthy. I am enough.
What changes when this is the focus? Everything.
Sleep becomes important.
Sleep doesn’t matter when the focusing is on weight loss, waking up at 4am to burn calories does #nodaysoff…
Quality matters.
Calories become secondary or forgotten. Side note: I can make you a big huge bowl for 300 calories that is filled with chemicals, lacks fiber or any redeemable nutrition, but I could call it “good” because it is high in protein #gains, low in carbs but you still get to eat bread I’ll just throw some 100 calorie English muffin in there, don’t worry about what it in it, has fake, stringy, plastic-y low fat cheese (because pooping is overrated just take a laxative!) and BAM- its good. Low Cal, weight loss goals… something we will get to later is the myth that weight loss is as simple as calories in and calories out. It isn’t. Food is information.
What is the food you are eating telling your body?
Movement is a gift.
Exercise is a gift, but it can be a curse. You know what sucks about cardio? Your body gets used to it. So, you have to keep doing more and more and more to keep or see results. Lifting? Wonderful! But lift all you want, if you aren’t sleeping and eating it isn’t going to make a difference and could put you further back. Exercise is a gift, treating it as such changes everything.
What energy do you expect to get when you go to the gym, or out for a run and the focus is burning?? Losing? Punishing your body for what it is not while hoping you can make it into something different? What energy do you think you will get if you say to yourself first, “I am so grateful I can do this! Whatever happens during this I am grateful for it”. Who is having a better workout? What type of energy are you bringing into your space now?
If your goal is weight loss focused, your vibration is low. You are telling yourself you are not good enough right now. You will never be at a place of acceptance if it’s contingent upon a 20 pound weight loss. Regardless of the goal, if it is weight or visual, there will always be something you can improve. Chasing happiness doesn’t work. Telling yourself you will love yourself WHEN is dumb. Whatever feeling you are waiting to have, you can have right now,
by changing your focus.
Want to feel comfortable in your skin; start practicing it. I am confident, say it to yourself.
Think that sounds crazy? I used to. Until I realized it was insane to stay stuck in a pattern of negative self talk… Changes mean changes; if you’re like most women you have done some pretty stupid shit in the name of weight loss. If you’re not willing to write a few I AM statements in a journal or say them in the mirror I cannot help you… find a blog that sells shakeology or something…
Want to feel good in your body? Starting BEING good to your body.
That doesn’t mean 1200 calories a day and an hour of cardio, no ones, literally NO ONE’S body enjoys that. Move in a way that honors yourself, and eat like you give a shit about yourself… watch what changes.
Cultivate your happiness now, don't expect to find it later. Start appreciating and being thankful for what you have. If you are crazy enough to believe you will be happier X pounds lighter, you should also be crazy enough to believe you can feel that happiness now.
Tell yourself, over and over and over, I am a healthy person. I take care of myself. I love myself and treat myself kindly.
What did years of looking in the mirror in disdain give you? Humor me and try the opposite.
Changing your goal changes your focus which changes your vibration.
You cannot hate your body into a better version of yourself. But some WILD SHIT starts happening when you are crazy enough to love it.