Start.
A year ago, in the weird week between Christmas and New Year’s I was standing in my kitchen, cleaning my stove listening to a conversation John and my Mother-in-Law where having and I heard a voice.
It told me, very clearly, go back to school.
I talk to God often; that night was the first time she talked to me…
Thankfully when she decided to give me her divine guidance I was in-tuned enough,
or maybe crazy enough depends on who you are asking, to listen.
All the past fuck ups. All the times I turned my back on my potential, sold myself short. Procrastinated. Made excuses. Failed. Failed again without learning. Quit.
They were all reasons to stop trying, my past was full of fuck ups. But, I am not a slave to my past, I am creating my future…
I had no idea what I was doing. I still don’t. Only that I needed to do it.
But this isn’t a post about that.
We can talk about the divine timing, how I truly believe everything in my life lead me to where I am right now which is without a doubt exactly where I am supposed to be, and what a complete mess I was from eighteen to twenty-eight a different day.
This post is about Starting.
Starting now.
Starting scared.
Starting small.
Letting go of your past and starting again.
I was thirty-six years old. I had not attended any class in over fifteen years. I entered school, for what I think was the fifth time, I honestly do not know how many times I dropped out and restarted…. so, we will go with fifth with only forty-two credits.
How many times have you tried and failed at the same goal? Are you letting that define what you can and cannot do now?
Letting the past dictate your future?? Who you are now is not who you were then, you are different. You have evolved, you have grown, you have learned. Are you committed to living in your past or working on your future?
The only thing I had under my belt was a list of my fuckups. All the times I tried and failed. YEARS of failure. My transcript was proof on paper of how pathetic parts of my past were.
But I am not past. I am my future. (You are not your past, you are your future).
To say I had (and still have) a long road ahead of me is an understatement.
I had every single excuse to not follow through. To quit again. Throw in the towel before I even started because:
I don’t NEED to do it. Life is fine. Why put me through unneeded discomfort to simply improve myself in some way?
Time is going to pass either way, do I want to spend in living in my bullshit holding onto limiting beliefs that a college degree isn’t for me, or do I want to spend it working on my growth, knowing that I can have anything I want if I am willing to work for it.
Excuses are easy to come by. I had them. And I was terrified. I wanted to use them. I work, running a business means I am always on call for anything, I am a mom, there is no cleaning lady or laundry service at my house…. Time in is a finite resource and like everyone reading this, I am busy.
Am I committed to my bullshit or growth? Looking for excuses to not do it, or ways to make it happen?
I had so far to go. I cannot commit my life to this. Taking on more than two classes a semester while operating a business and being a Mom would be too much.
Slow and steady wins the race, I know this, but damn if I don’t want some instant gratification.
Instant gratification is the reason we fail. We have been lied too, and expect to see great changes in 21 days. Throw that idea out, anything amazing takes TIME. Fall in love with the process, or in the least, learn to tolerate it.
What about you? Any of this sound familiar.
Drop a degree and fill in your blank…
It was humbling. It still is.
I had to take an Algebra course. Y’all, I am in a room with children the same age as my daughter! Half of which my husband coaches… to say it was weird was an understatement.
But. I did it.
And I am still doing it.
I am fully committed, and I will see it through.
I drank my own Kool-Aid. About 20 years later then I would have liked but again,
how many goals have died simply because we think there is some age limit on our dreams?? That because we are in our 30’s, or 40’s, or 60’s that our time is up. We are STUCK in the life we made. Stuck in our bullshit because we are unwilling to start again?
(What are you committed too? Bullshit or growth)
This isn’t a brag. I have zero problem saying I am proud of myself for this. I am, actually more than proud. This is huge for me; it is a really big gift I am giving myself and I appreciate myself for it so much. It is like the Snoop Dog Video, I wanna thank me for my hard work… That is we need to normalize, being proud of ourselves for doing the work!
This is a call to action.
Right now, on January 2nd we are sitting with our goals.
The party is over, and the new year has started.
What are you going to do?
Last year, on January 3rd, when I hit send on my application, I knew I one thing to be true:
TIME WILL PASS EITHER WAY.
I knew that every time I tried before this, I couldn’t do it, I stopped short. My only experience to draw on was a huge pile of mistakes.
(but by then I knew a secret, mistakes are our best teachers).
I knew that next year I would have either made progress or stayed the same.
What was I willing to live with?
The journey of a lifetime is walked one step at a time… it is time to start walking.
College is one of my big goals. That may seem silly to you, and that’s fine with me. Another thing we need to normalize, doing things for ourselves. Your goal does not have to make sense to anyone but you. If you feel it in your chest then you have to pursue it,
that is a divine calling, letting it go is a crime.
Maybe your goal is weight related. You know you are not taking care of your body, and that you are not living a full life because of it. And maybe it feels like my degree, a million miles away with an incredibly long process in front of you, and maybe there are hundreds of attempts and failures under your belt too. That is OK. Failures are information of what not to do again. Start. Start small, start scared, start.
Maybe it is getting out of debt. And it feels almost impossible because of all the decisions and choices you are going to need to make to do so. What are you going to work on? Staying there or changing it?
Maybe it is moving across the country. And it feels like a dream because where do you even start and what will happen when you get there? What will happen if you don’t?? Staying in the same place can be just as scary as leaving, sometimes we forget that.
Maybe it is starting a podcast, writing a book, going back to work, or leaving work and staying at home, changing careers… anything.
Whatever your goal is; START.
Time will pass.
I told people for nine years at New York Sport and Fitness that we reach their goal ONE decision at a time. One pound at a time. That they needed to get comfortable with the idea that getting there is going to take work and be a process. But, it comes down to one thing, the courage to start.
It is really easy to think there is no way you could do it. When we are faced with big challenges it is easier to look for the negative, all the things that could go wrong and all the different ways you could fail.
We forget there are just as many ways you could succeed, and things would go right.
It is easy to tell yourself you do not have the time or money. I hear this all the time at the gym, “oh I can’t afford that”, but they will spend the same cost on one dinner… often it is not matter of CAN’T it is a matter of priorities.
No time? Everyone has time. It is what we chose to do with it. If you look for ways to make it happen, it can happen.
You will have excuses.
You are busy.
You are broke.
You are tired.
You are scared.
It will seem easier to stay the same. Because why? Life is OK right??
I don’t need to go to school. Arguably it is not added much to my life right now but additional work. Your goal will probably feel like that too at times. Why bother… 5 am workouts suck at first, trust me. But on the other side is a feeling that nothing else can give you, accomplishment. Knowing you did something for you.
You value yourself enough to put effort and time into making your time on earth better. That is cool.
Staying where you are may be the easy choice but isn’t always the right one.
What is more painful? The pain of change or the pain of staying the same.
At what age does growth become not worth it?
We need to stop buying into the idea that “it is too late”, or our time has passed.
WHERE WE ARE IS NOT WHO WE ARE.
Ever. But where we are will BECOME who we are if we let it.
This is a kick in ass to anyone who was like me this time last year. Anyone with a wild idea, something that makes you feel completely alive and excited, that also scares that shit out of you,
because it is a long process and you are not even sure what it will all look like, it is ok.
Just start.
I am in it right now; I will be for the next two to three years. But I started. I am twenty-four credits closer to my goal then I was last year. Not there yet, but closer. I am proud of that.
Where will you be next year at this time if you commit to starting, even small, and promise to keep showing up?