The energy of 2020 feels bigger, like a new Century is packing a punch full of possible outcomes and endless possibilities.
That also means more pressure.
How many resolutions have you kept? How many promises to yourself did you fulfill? How many are left undone, forgotten, pushed aside waiting for another new start; another New Year?
Chances are it’s a lot of them, speaking from experience, both personal and professional.
I don’t believe the problem is lofty goals;
the problem is disconnect between our goals and our priorities. That and the fact almost of us have some sort of weight loss related goal…
I am not saying weight loss is inherently a bad goal,
but the way we approach it and our WHY behind it usually is.
Disconnect between the WHAT (weight loss) and the WHY (lack of clarity) is the first big roadblock, the second is not taking time to see how that goal, and the steps it would take to get there, will fit into our current lives, how it lines up with our priorities.
Think about it logically, it does not make sense to approach a lofty, habit changing, time consuming, possibly life changing goal without doing some research,
some self evaluation, into WHY you are doing it. But we don’t. We jump in, like a few trips to the gym and Keto will figure it out for us.
We jump in like our WEIGHT is the issue, and losing it will solve everything.
It won’t, and it’s not.
Weight loss is never the real goal, deep down we know that.
How you see your weight and your habits are the real issue. We are tricked into believing shedding weight fixes everything, it won’t. If it did the weight wouldn’t come back. Why that is never examined?
We don’t move without examining WHAT we need and why we need it, we don’t change jobs without looking into how it will fit into our current lives. We will look at cars for hours before we make a choice, but weight loss- wake up on January 1st and figure it out. Try to white knuckle our way through to a new life… it makes no sense.
Questioning our motives, examining what we REALLY want as our outcome because it is never a number on a scale,
and looking specifically at what has held us back and what we need to do to move forward is something we need to do at any end of the spectrum. If you are going from 0 to 60, with no health or fitness related routine, feel like you need a complete rehaul, or on the other side, maybe you’re at a place where you are objectively doing pretty well but feel the need to drop 10 more pounds.
If you have been fighting to lose the same or last 5-20 pounds for the last 3 years, it is time to examine that.
First off, Why? Why do you want to lose weight? Write out why,
then keep writing. Let it come out. Keep asking over and over why until you get there. And trust me, when you get there, you will know. There is your WHY, there is your reason, and it is never the weight.
I couldn’t begin to know who should or shouldn’t have this goal;
my instinct is to say NO ONE should have a goal of weight loss. Starting with that goal is the first wrong step, because weight loss really isn’t the goal. You may be tricked into believing your goal is a number on the scale or a pant size, I assure you, and it’s not. What you are after is a FEELING.
What are you hoping to feel?
How do you think losing the weight will help you accomplish that? I am speaking both physically and mentally. This is where your starting point comes into play, and where things could be examined a lot of different ways.
Physically; are you hoping to move better and with more ease? Be able to walk your dog, play with your children, and relieve your back/knee pain...
Make those the goals instead of the weight loss. What would change then? A lot of things; your approach to how you accomplish them, your way of measuring progress and the likelihood of your sticking with it.
The goal is never losing the weight; the goal is what you think losing the weight will bring.
You cannot hate your body into a body you love and take care off. Reframe, it isn’t losing weight you are after,
it is GAINING LIFE. Make your goal GAINING life, and accepting and loving yourself through the process. Trust me, hating yourself through gym sessions will last about 2 weeks, tops. I am guessing you spent enough time not being happy in your body to know that hating it isn’t helping you move forward.
New Year- New Goal: Gaining life and loving yourself AS IS through the whole process.
Alternatively, for ladies fighting the same 2-20 pounds; and the range can be much bigger, my lowest weight was 115, the last time I weighed myself over a year ago I was 142, if I had to guess I am sitting around 150 now, not that it matters, but to give you perspective. I am up, give or take, 35 pounds. I say this because sometimes it is really hard to see the forest in the trees… When I got married I was convinced I needed to be 126 pounds, after I had Rocco I thought 132 pounds was my magic number. Where did these numbers come from? No idea! None. It is time to call your bullshit. Your goal isn’t weight loss, your goal is the feeling you think dropping those last 10 pounds will bring. Ask yourself, how would your PHYSICAL health improve if you lost that weight? Spoiler alert- it wouldn’t. Your mental health,
seeing yourself as someone GOOD ENOUGH is the REAL goal… Instead of “fixing” your body,
spend this year with a Goal of ACCEPTING your body. Trust me, a lot will change.
Wherever you are (or think you are) this question really matters, and will bring a lot of clarity to your Goal. Would your physical health improve? Yes or no, that question will bring you insight as to how TO or how NOT TO approach yourself this year.
Next, what habits to you currently have that are keeping you from your goal? Do you enjoy them?? It is OK if you do! This is where priorities come in to play, and again, your ability to be honest with yourself- to call your bullshit. What do you want to give up, start there. We all have habits that we know do not improve our life, for me its mindlessly scrolling while mindlessly eating… neither make me feel great, I want to stop both and they are definitely not getting me closer to my New Years goals.
Call your bullshit. What do you routinely do that is not adding to your life, and not moving you closer to where you would like to be? What can you do to stop that habit? What can you replace it with that you feel good about?
The goal is never losing weight; the goal is the dropping habits that don’t add joy to your life.
These are universal, no matter whom you are WHERE you are, in that they are not adding health or value to anyone’s life.
Staying up late and subsequently snoozing your alarm, turning your morning from a calm start to your day to a rushed, frantic, stressful time getting out of the door. Mindless eating, Stress eating. Drinking as a means of coping with a bad day. Using food or alcohol as a means of avoidance,
( you may not even know you are doing this…).
Inaction when you need action, because laziness, playing small, letting fear of failure keep you complacent are all bad habits we can change. The goal isn’t losing weight; the goal is stepping away from what doesn’t serve you, and stepping into your power.
On the other side, what do you think this new, smaller, lighter version of you is doing?? When you think about weight loss you don’t dream of numbers! You dream of THINGS, of actions! Very few get excited about a number, and if you find yourself getting excited over a number (I’ve been there!!) please, look at that, that is not healthy.
The goal isn’t weight loss.
The goal is WHO you think you will be when you lose the weight. The goal is WHAT you think you will do…. Day dream about that, there is where you find your REAL goals.
I want to go to the gym 4 days a week so I can feel stronger and BETTER in my skin, I want to go to bed at 9 and wake up at 530 so I have time for myself in the morning, I want to feel confident, I want to be able to say Yes to things, I want to feel in control…. Fill in your blanks.
How can you add in habits that will ADD IN health, and joy to your life?
Habits that bring you closer to that version of yourself you day dream about being; because the goal is never weight loss, the goal is being the best version of you.
Get specific, and get practical.
Use the word Priority. What are your Priorities? It is easy to throw a goal away, saying you don’t have the time, the money… but it is rarely true. Some of the busiest, most budgeted people I know are the ones with their shit MOST together when it comes to their health. They figured out a secret,
it isn’t time; it isn’t money- its priority.
List out your priorities for 2020. (Exp: my health….)
Your real goals will write themselves, it is NEVER WEIGHT LOSS, it is who you want to be, what you want to do.
I am not a fan of throwing a ton on your plate, sometimes that leads to total burn out, but there is a place for a push, maybe your push needs to happen in January. Just make sure it is a PUSH, not an open ended "I'm never eating carbs again for the rest of my life" goal, and make sure your not measuring it using a number, that doesn't work.
Push, with a plan, and measure with a feeling.
Look at what you want to shed, those habits holding you back, look at what you want to ADD IN, habits that will help you grow,
and look closely at what is reasonable. People get this idea that if they are coming to the gym it needs to be 5-6 days. IT DOESN’T!
If you were coming 0 days and start coming 1 or 2 THAT IS A WIN.
Most of our shit is manifested in food,
what we eat is how we treat ourselves. I am a broken record, but I can't say it enough, you take care of things you love.
You can not take care of yourself without being kind to yourself. There are a lot of hard pills to swallow when it comes to looking at what goes on our plates, but you can start small there too, it’s ok.
What can you ADD IN to your diet to make you feel better, bring you closer to where you want to be.
I love Whole30 as a means for habit change, I base my groups around that goal,
(and not so shameless plug, you can still sign up, if this post struck a chord with you we would be a good match). Anywho- I love Whole30, it is a big huge PUSH, and then it is done. It’s neat because it isn’t your whole year, your whole life; it is 30 days to start getting your shit together. To LEARN, to reset and reevaluate what is going into your body. Sometimes stepping away from things is the only way to get a clear picture, for example, is that nightly glass of wine really helping you relax or is it making your stress worse?, do you NEED a 3pm carb hit to get you through dinner or is that a habit holding you back. Taking time away shouldn't be a permanent thing, it should help you reset and help you grow.
Please, I beg you, when it comes to food
don’t go into something this year thinking it is permanent, go in with a plan,
go in with inquisition looking at what works for you and HOW YOU FEEL doing it.
(It is never weight, it is a feeling…)
However you approach your nutrition next year, do not look at it as a means to an end.
No one REMAINS successful doing something once, doing something for 30 days, or even doing something for 100 days.
Successful people DO all the time, they continue, what you do is not a means to an end. It is an ENDS to a MEANS. Whatever you do, learn from it this year. Take honest and ruthless inventory of it. Remember it is OK and encouraged to step away from something that isn’t serving you!
This year, wherever you are, drop weight loss as a goal. It didn’t work last year, it didn’t work the year before that, and it won’t work this year.
How do you want to FEEL? Answer that, and then make the ACTIONS it will take to get you there your goal.
Self love isn’t something reserved for skinny women with pretty hair, it’s a baseline, it’s a foundation.
Wherever you are, start with that goal, to love yourself, accept yourself, and treat yourself kindly.
Make your goals habit based, using habits you can build upon and add too. Start where you are, do what you can, and do it with love. Let this year be different. Use the questions below to help guide you, and if you want help with your Whole30- you know where to find me.
XO- HM