I have been away from the "blogging" space for a while. Writing a book has been on my heart for years, but I told myself countless stories around why I was either incapable of doing it or should not be doing it.
Turns out practicing what you preach is more complicated than it looks in some cases….
So I called my bullshit and got to work, which meant putting the blog on hold to throw all my creative power into that still unnamed book that lives under the file name of "Best Selling Book!!" because claiming it is something I practice well.
Also, in that time, I (finally) called my bullshit and created a Podcast, another thing I wanted to do forever but told myself I shouldn't/couldn't/insert the rest of my bullshit here…
Between those two pretty significant projects, the blog fell off. I intend to bring it back, to recap what we talk about on the podcast and as a space to expand upon my Instagram captions… y'all know how I have a hard time keeping things brief. But mainly, as a space to expand. I feel called to share more lately but not with the entire internet. I want to share with YOU, the person who takes the time to come here and read this. I am excited to have and create a space where topics can be explored deeper, because of that I would love if you take advantage of the comment tool here so we can discuss further!
You should know – I will not be spending much time editing this. You will see spelling errors and theirs where there should be a there. If this upsets you – do not read. To be blunt, I want to connect with you here, but I don't want to waste time editing myself. My intention is to simply hit publish – and let my unfiltered, unedited (maybe even sometimes unhinged) words live in this space.
No, that the air is clear. Let's move on to the actual post! My favorite concept – my north star – my goal post, and – my bullshit caller:
The idea of HIGHEST SELF
Before I explain, I want to give you a backstory about how this concept was introduced. This brings us back to Corning Community College circa 2005(ish).
I had zero idea what I was doing or what my end goal was there. My parents threatened to cut me off if I didn't go back to school or work more hours. School seemed like an easier route.
Because I had no aim in life at that time – and honestly could not envision a future beyond the weekend, I signed up for any course that I thought would require minimal effort. I was enrolled in philosophy – no shade, philosophy is pretty fucking fantastic, it is my jam now, but 16 years ago, I was not that deep, a human sexuality course because I have always been a low key pervert, an English course, and a one-credit course in meditating…
Let me be clear – 16 years ago, I had ZERO interest in learning to meditate; I was 100% there because it was an easy A.
Turns out that course changed my life.
We are ALWAYS where we are supposed to be. Not to say bad things don't happen, I am not a person who prescribes to the idea that "everything happens for a reason."
That is a bullshit belief, in my opinion. I believe things with no real or meaningful reason happen all the time, some of the awful and tragic, but fighting with reality means we will lose 100% of the time (Byron Katie).
In MY life- it has been my experience that every trial, tribulation, and fuck up I have gone through (which have been plenty) has played a role in where I am right now.
And I wouldn't change where I am NOW, this amazing, beautiful, expansive period in my life for anything.
We all have a choice when it comes to our past, and it's shit. Use that manure as fertilizer and grow something beautiful. Or we take our shit and spread it all over our faces and everything around us – stinking up everything we touch.
I lived covered in my bullshit for years; I have no desire to return there ever again.
I don't remember much from the class- towards the end of the semester, preparing for meditation like every other Monday, Wednesday and Friday the weeks before she said a Sanskrit phrase, OM NAMAH SHIVAYA – which translates loosely to – I bow with respect to my highest self.
I bow with respect to my highest self.
I cannot say or type those words without having head-to-toe chills. I cannot hear those words without becoming instantly inspired and – if I'm honest- feeling a bit called out. Because if I am not honoring my highest self, I feel it in my gut instantly.
Something in me lit up when she said that phrase and told me to hold onto those words. So I did, and they changed me.
Until that moment, the idea that something holy was in me had never crossed my mind. That I was also something to be respected, worshiped, honored… which, of course, means you are too. Every single human we encounter is.
That idea blew my mind.
And it also made complete sense.
I am not religious, but I have always believed in God, in something greater than myself. I have always been aware of a presence bigger than me, but never before considered that something was also in ME.
But, of course, it is. Just like our parent's DNA is inside of us, so are the remints of whatever creator you believe in.
Side note – for me, God and the universe are one and the same and also different. I believe there are guides, spirits, and magic all around us, and if you think that is crazy, that is your right – and I also feel sorry for you. I can't imagine looking around this beautiful earth and not seeing signs of magic…but I digress.
The highest self is US – it is in ME, in YOU, and in EVERYONE.
Highest self It is our potential. Our magic. Our light. It is everything GOOD and KIND inside of us.
When we live as our highest selves, we live in alignment with our highest potential and our soul's calling. We are treating ourselves with kindness, with love, and with care.
We are living in alignment with our goals BUT not goals in the car we drive or our weight (believe me. I have A LOT to say on weight and how highest self applies there -we will get there soon) Goals as in things we are doing that not only elevate ourselves but elevate the people around us as well.
For example – weighing 140 pounds does NOTHING to help the people you love or the people in your circle. It may even harm them because they must witness and possibly LEARN from your fucked up behaviors. They may see you treating your body like trash, depriving and restricting yourself, and think what you are doing is what they should be doing.
BUT – if you treat your body with KINDNESS with love, respect and nourish yourself in a way that allows you to THRIVE, they will see that too. And those behaviors will rub off on and inspire EVERYONE around you.
The energy between those things is entirely different. The end goal may be similar: to have a different experience in your body. But the process and the outcomes will vary greatly. The person chasing weight loss will sacrifice their health and turn out completely from their body's wisdom. The person aiming to honor their physical being, be good to themselves, and nourish their body, allowing it to thrive will deepen their connection with self and develop a love and gratitude for their physical being that will completely change their life.
When you are living as your highest self, you are making decisions that help you thrive. You are living in a way that allows you to expand. You are leaning into habits, processes, and behaviors that align with how you want to show up in the world.
But how do you figure out how that looks?
Easy…
Well, OK- not easy, but simple. You self-question.
This is your homework, but only if you are serious about expansion and growth. If you are cool coasting – definitely do not do this because it will wake up some shit in you…
Buy yourself a fancy-ass journal (not totally needed but also kinda completely needed. Growth is work; it is a disciplined process you will need to come back to over and over and over, and just when you think you are really growing, you will realize how much you need to come back to it again. Self-questioning is the most wonderfully exhausting thing you will ever do, so buy the fancy-ass journal; it will make you excited to get your thoughts, plans, and dreams out).
Or, of course – you can always grab a piece of paper and pen.
Then you give yourself space; make sure you have some time to sit with these questions. Twenty to thirty minutes should be plenty. Give your dog a bone. The kids can have their Ipads and snacks. Make sure you have some space to be alone with your thoughts.
Shut the door – create a quiet environment – and start questioning.
You get curious about your goals, dreams, desires, and most importantly, who you wish to be and how you wish to show in the world.
Ask yourself:
WHO am I when I am thriving?? Who am I when life is going well?
Understand this may feel real (like really) weird at first. That is OK! It does not mean you are doing it wrong; it only means it is NEW, and anything new will take practice to feel natural. Commit to making self-questioning a practice. I promise you, it will change your life.
Imagine your life as it is now because daydreaming about getting a million dollars, a nanny, and a butler may be fun, but it isn't helpful. Instead, keep your focus firmly on your reality BUT imagine what your existence would be like if you are showing up in it at your best.
How would your reality look if you were treating yourself amazing?
How would your reality look if you prioritize your health and wellness?
Ask and answer those questions in the PRESENT tense, which will give you a solid list of affirmations to use and grow from.
An example looks like this:
I am treating myself with kindness. I am exercising three days a week. I am getting 8 hours of sleep. I am eating ample amounts of vegetables and fruits. I am a healthy person with healthy habits. I show up for myself and honor my body's needs and wants.
Ask:
Who am I when I am thriving?
Example: I am confident. I am secure. I am disciplined. I follow through and act on my goals. I stay on top of all household tasks. I am present. I am kind. I am a giver of light.
Ask:
Who are you when your thoughts and actions align with who you wish to be and how you wish to show up in the world?
What are your behaviors?
How do you treat yourself?
How do you speak to yourself?
How to eat? How do you move? How to play?
Get specific. Who are you when you are living your best life?
Again answering ALL in the present tense using the words: I AM, I TREAT MYSELF, and so on.
Look at those answers when you are done.
THAT is your highest self.
Honoring those will get you everything you ever wanted.
And look at what is NOT on that paper.
No one wrote --- I want to gossip. I want to talk shit about people.
No one wrote ---- I want to struggle – I want to make life hard for myself.
Highest self is acknowledging not only what elevates you but also being fully aware of what is complete BULLSHIT in your life.
Knowing who you are as your highest self is calling your bullshit. When you know who you are when you are thriving, you can easily see all the actions, behaviors, and habits that are not aligned with that.
Using highest- self questioning helped me learn to eat to HONOR my body.
I will frequently ask: Is this meal serving my highest self – yes or no.
I don't want to spend a lot of time here, this is a whole other topic we will get to soon but in short – the answer your highest self gives you will surprise you at first because sometimes the brownie, pizza, chips, whatever IS the best option!!
At the core, our highest self wants JOY! And no one is joyful eating fish and broccoli for a month straight.
That shit doesn't work! That isn't self-love, and that isn't honoring self-, but obviously, neither is a week or even a DAY straight of processed sugary carbs.
Your highest self is eating to SERVE YOU.
I'm going to say that again:
EATING TO SERVE YOU.
Of course, that means veggies, fruits, proteins, staying hydrated, healthy fats, and carbs- but it also means living a full unrestricted life.
Your Highest self is exercising – but not out of punishment of self-hate. An hour of cardio cause you ate chips and queso, ain't it. Ever. But movement you love that is ADDING to your life is honoring your highest self.
Your highest self isn't spending time tearing people down or talking shit.
It isn't wasting energy complaining!! Your highest self knows you have two options in EVERY situation. You either change it – and if you cannot because it is out of your control OR (this is big) you recognize you're not willing to do the work to change it – so you accept it!! You don't batch.
The concept of highest self is a GAME CHANGER. It works in every situation.
It is how I set intentions…. I ask, What would my highest self do here?….
If something goes wrong, if I am angry with a person or thing happening, I (try my best – work in progress here) to pause, take a beat, and ask how my highest self would show up right now. Spoiler alert- I never hear back "flip out, talk shit, be angry…."
Highest self is finding YOUR ideal self. What are YOUR goals and then digging deeper – Why are they your goals, who are they helping or elevating?
Highest self is YOU thriving.
Happy. Joyful. Living fully and presently in the PRESENT – not crying and bitching about the past OR worrying about the future.
It is living fully in this moment we are in right now.
Next time you are feeling off- sad- angry – annoyed – anything – ask yourself –
What would my highest self-do???
When you are feeling gross – bloated – and like you are not taking care of your physical being – ask –
How would my highest self treat my body??
And listen.
Get comfortable listening.
The more you ask, the quicker and louder the answers will come.
If this resonated with you I encourage you to check out the link below - the Magic Mindset program was designed to help you reach your goals in a way that entires your entire being: mental and physical. If you are ready to ditch diets, and want to learn how to best care for and honor yourself, this program is your you.