I was wrong, it is possible, and long term, I believe weight loss that did not
occur as a byproduct of a diet is the only thing that works.
Here is the thing with diets,
THEY ALL WORK.
All of them.
If your calories are low enough, you will lose weight.
What about the starvation effect?
I have worked with women in a gym setting for almost 10 years; to say I have seen and heard a lot is an understatement. One thing that comes up over and over is the idea of the "starvation effect"; when someone is eating such a low number of calories their body holds on to any and all weight, making weight loss stall out and slow down to a snail's pace.
Is this a real phenomenon or more diet bullshit?
It is both. Part real, mostly bullshit.
Tough love alert: Almost all the time, we were not eating the low number of calories we believed. What many thought was 1200 is in reality, much higher. Eating things like yogurt with granola, apples and peanut butter, salads with heavy dressings and croutons (***I could give a shit if interrupting you here makes my writing choppy and disjointed. My big anti-diet mouth can not help it. I am NOT saying you shouldn't have full-fat dressings, peanut butter, or granola AT ALL. I tell people to only eat full-fat dressings because the rest taste like trash and have way too many chemicals and shit in them…)
COFFEE" s and Latte's that are 200-400 calories a pop, Alcohol… and of course, there are the weekends, when we say fuck it and the calories shoot up, which will even out (and then some) all the "hard work" that happened all week.
People don't like to hear that. They get defensive and say, no, I really am only eating 1200 calories. And maybe you are a few days a week, but 1200 done for weeks at a time, on anybody will bring weight loss. Period.
But, don't get excited and think you found your way into a smaller bikini this summer,
along with that weight loss, you will lose muscle, pound for pound with fat,
meaning you will burn even fewer calories. Muscle is it is HARD to gain. Fat comes back quick.
When the fat comes back,
and it will, it is not a matter of if;
everyone who loses weight by aggressively dieting and undereating ALWAYS gains all that fat back WITHOUT the muscle back. Do not believe me, google "what happened to the biggest loser."
You will find yourself a few weeks later having gained the weight back and with a lower metabolic rate (and probably a
fucked-up gut too, your digestion always takes a hit from under eating). All and all, it is a horrible place to be.
So, to all of you whom I just offended by calling liars saying you are not, in fact, eating as low as you think you are, and your body isn't holding onto fat because of the mythical starvation effect, take a deep breath.
It is a GOOD thing. You are eating enough and that keeps your body going, your organs working and allows life to happen.
Yay to eating enough food!
But what if you really want to lose weight? What do you do when you know that dieting ain't it,
or you are like the 99% of past dieters, you have tried and failed enough times to know diets only work in the short term, which by default means they don't work at all.
If they did, you would only need to do them once. What a fairy tale we were sold.
This is another big topic, way too big for a blog post; someone, call me out and hold me accountable to start a podcast where we can really dig into these conversations! For the purposes of this, I will do my best to keep this short.
WHO should even be trying to lose weight?
Is it even weight loss you are after? Or do you want to FEEL differently in your body?
TREAT yourself differently...
The problem is we confuse wanting to TREAT ourselves better and LIKE ourselves more with the idea we need to lose weight.
We have all been sold a lie that in a smaller body, self-love simply happens, and you will be like all the crazy-looking ladies in the weight watcher's commercials cracking up as they eat their (apparently hilarious) salads.
Take it from someone who wore a size zero and walked around at 16% body fat.
That shit doesn't happen.
You can hate yourself and treat yourself just as badly in a "small" body as you can a bigger one.
When it comes to wanting to lose weight, get clear.
Sit down, get out a paper and a pen and start asking yourself questions:
What do I think weight loss will give me that I can not give myself right now?
What type of habits do I want to GAIN?
How do I want to treat my body?
What are my main priorities as it relates to my body and how I treat myself?
What would be different and IMPROVED if I lost weight?
Do not skip any of these.
Write.
Write without judgment or trying to answer "correctly." There is no right and wrong here, and no one will see this.
This exercise is for you and your clarity. Be honest, let everything come up… it will change your thinking about what you really need to be doing.
Because so much of what you think you will have AFTER you lose weight are things you are choosing not to give yourself right NOW. The habits you wish to have when you are a new, improved, healthier version of yourself--- you can start them right now.
What are you waiting for? If you want to be someone who eats enough veggies and can savor dessert, not eat it in shame,
start now.
You only make things habitual by DOING.
You want to work out three times a week – what are you waiting for? A trainer to show up at your door? That doesn't happen. Trust me, I know a lot of trainers, they will not come knocking. The only assholes who enter your space trying to sell unsolicited workouts are Beach Body "coaches" (in quotes for a reason)
– and those ladies are don't know about movement. They are predatory, trying to make money, block their DM's, and get to a gym.
How would your life improve? This part can be confusing because there will be physical goals here, and that is OK. It is OK to want to change your body. Never let anyone shame you for that. But understand the difference between doing something out of LOVE and respect for you and doing something because you HATE the way you look. If your health is at risk, put yourself on your priority list. You deserve it.
Understand that your body changing is a byproduct of healthy habits. Do not chase a smaller belly. Chase healthy habits and treating yourself with kindness.
Chase being good to yourself. Fall in love with it.
A note for the ladies who have been fighting the last 5-20 pounds for years….
LET THAT SHIT GO.
Read it again.
LET IT GO.
Coming from someone who has lost the last 5, 10, fuck even 2 pounds….
Nothing changes. Do not sacrifice your happiness to lose less then 3% of your weight. It is incredibly stupid.
If you are thinking, "if I could only lose 10 more pounds" or "fit in size smaller jeans," tell your ego to fuck right off.
Stop fighting your body. Try a different way: RESPECT IT.
And that goes for all, wanting to lose 100 pounds, or trying to understand how to be happy in a body you are forcing to lose 10 pounds… You have to respect yourself. As you are, right now, not as you want to be, or you think you "should" be.
As you are.
It is the only way to find happiness in either case.
I will say this again, because it is important, wanting to lose weight is OK. I am very much in the body-positive camp. I believe fully in health at every size. I also understand the harm unneeded weight can cause IF
it is accompanied by unhealthy habits like drinking too damn much, eating like you don't give a shit what your health will look like in 5-10 years, and never moving.
We get fucked up because we have been lied to, told making changes with our health is an arduous process we have to labor and grind through.
It isn't. It does take effort and diligence. Discipline, at times a lot, but once you get going only a little.
Small changes will result in amazing things IF done consistently and KINDLY. Everyone knows where their bullshit is and what they could cut out to feel a little better. It is just using some self-control and doing it.
And understanding you may be making things hard on yourself because you want an excuse.
Liking yourself, treating yourself with respect is the hardest thing you will ever do. It takes hella courage, ruthless bullshit calling when old voices come up telling you are not enough. Knowing that really, for ALL of us, weight loss is not what we are after. It is SELF ACCEPTANCE. And that can happen at any time, at any size, and in anybody.
We can make it easier by doing some basic things like eating enough veggies, which shows ourselves we can, we are trying. Getting enough protein because it keeps us strong. Sleeping, putting as much effort into getting a good night's sleep as we do worrying about our diets. Moving, not out of punishment, or because your ass is a little too fat (and for the record, if that's the case, I am jealous, we always pick ourselves apart, I assure, to everyone else, you look amazing),
moving because you are a miracle, the fact you can move is a gift, and taking that for granted is not acceptable, ever.
And eating some cookies too.
Because you like yourself!
A full life isn't deprivation. It is enjoyment! You will never (ever ever ever ever ever) get anywhere you want to stay by hating and torturing yourself there.
You get to keep it by being kind to yourself. That is the only way.
Ever.
Amen.