But also.
This is important to me.
I want to be a writer. I tell myself every day I AM a writer. I do not stop there. I am a successful writer. People are drawn to my books. I help women live their best life. I am a giver of hope. I am queen bullshit caller, but I do it oh so nicely and empower ladies all over the world in doing so….
(note to self, write a post on affirmations and how they are the actual shit).
But why- if I am all those things, or rather, I wish to be all those things, would I rather be looking at Facebook then doing this??
Because it is uncomfortable.
It is new. I have a long want to go. I do not feel I am good at it yet. This is forced and it is work. This time could be spent watching HGTV…
There are two ways to get over these feelings.
Eat them, accept I am too lazy to put in the work and accept a life less then what I desire. Being an author is not in the cards because I am unwilling to work for it.
Or, show up, put in the reps until it becomes automatic.
I decided writing is important to me even though I hate it. Why? Who knows! Why do we want anything? Would any change make us happier, or is it the behaviors required to make those changes that bring us joy? For what it is worth I believe the ladder, the joy is in the doing, even when it does not feel like it YET.
(Yet is the best word. Yet. Think of all the things we have not done YET…)
I have been here before many times.
When I wanted to lose weight. Losing weight felt important to me. I had no idea what I was doing. I was hella uncomfortable. I would have rather shoved rusty forks into my eyes instead of workout or go to the gym BUT I was so sick of wanting something and doing nothing about it.
Getting stronger. Picking up a ten-pound dumbbell when everyone in class had at least double that SUCKED,
but it would have sucked worse to never try.
Going back to school… sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself.
What am I hoping to gain? What is anyone hoping to gain by doing anything?
Time will pass either way, why not work towards something.
Anything. Something to be proud of. Grow into.
Living in that disconnect of wanting better and doing the same is no way to live.
I am wise enough to know some goals will never be reached and bold enough to know that even still, anything anyone can dream is available to them if they are willing to work for it.
So here I am.
Putting in my reps.
I have asked very little of myself really, five twenty-minute session a week. That is it. That is nothing. An hour and twenty minutes out of 168 a week.
80 minutes is nothing, and it is everything.
It is finding a grove. It’s creating a habit. It is creation, it is change, it is growth. And sometimes it is staring at the fucking screen feeling like I am the biggest loser in the world because nothing is coming out, my fingers literally wont even type, but still; even those days,
I showed up.
What in your life are you daydreaming about but not working towards?
We have this tendency to look at goals as far off places. We see the long road and it can feel impossible. We forget the road gets walked one step at a time.
We can go slow as hell and still move forward.
We can crawl. We can even lay down and take a long as break until we are so sick of our shit we recommit to walking a few steps a day… (raising hand).
Somehow in these twenty-minute sessions I’ve ended up with a lot of pages. Maybe it is pages of shit, who cares though. It’s something. Its more than I would have created otherwise. If nothing ever happens, I tried. That feels much better then "I was to scared or lazy to start".
Its wild that twenty minutes of work can do all of that. Accumulate change with almost no effort other then showing up.
What can you do in twenty minutes a few times a week?
Sometimes you must call your bullshit. I have been calling mine a lot lately.
Maybe you need the same?
I’m challenging myself to up my 20-minute commitment to seven days a week until 2021. I know I will hate myself for that a lot of days. And I know I will be proud of whatever gets made from showing up…
There are 80 days left in this weird year. I want to end them on my terms, feeling going about what I started in 2020.
20 a day… barely anything and so much opportunity at the same time.
If you have something sitting on your chest, I challenge you to do the same.
20 minutes of reading for growth! Think of all you can learn!
20 minutes of movement! Think of how much love you can show your body.
20 minutes to stretch.
20 minutes to ground.
20 minutes to meditate.
Waking up 20 minutes earlier to start your day in peace!
20 minutes to build your side hustle.
20 minutes to learn a new skill.
The cool thing is, it is only 20 minutes. The clock stops and your done. No pressure to continue. There is so much left to figure out, but I know this: starting is the hardest part. 20 minutes is a block of time ANYONE can handle.
It is nothing. And it could open the door to everything.